I've made some big mistakes in my past and the thoughts of me screwing up so bad have held me back from being confident in myself in other areas. There was one particular instance from school that comes to mind when I totally messed up. I did a project with good intentions but presented the information incorrectly-failing to give credit where credit was due. I've felt convicted of it ever since. I've asked the Lord for forgiveness time and time again, but I still haven't had peace over the whole matter. Just recently, I realized that its because I've struggled with unforgiveness-over myself! I've sat around in shame just hoping that I would forget the whole matter and one day maybe have the strength to rise above my thoughts and convictions. But, I felt the Lord whisper to me Alana, you have to forgive yourself. The thing is, I hate making mistakes and don't want to let it happen again! Alas, I am human and I know that making mistakes is inevitable. It's what we do afterwards that makes the difference. As of right now, I will rise up from the shame and condemnation that I've held over myself and choose to release forgiveness.
Surrender:
“Jesus, let Your blood cover me. Forgive me for not being a faithful witness. I deceived people into thinking that I had it all together. I didn't have it all together; infact, I messed up big time. But I know that You love me and have forgiven me. I know that there is no sin that is too great for you to cover. Jesus, You paid it all in full. I thank you God for your forgiveness. Thank you for giving me a second chance, even though I know I'm going to make more mistakes in this journey. You are so kind with me. You pick me up when I fall and then walk with me, right beside me as I try to please You and walk rightly. You are delighted with me though I can do nothing to make you love me more. Thank you for your faithfulness. Even as I type these words, tears fall down my face in thankfulness to you.
Lord, you truly deserve my all even though I struggle to give it all to You. You gave it ALL for me! You didn't hold anything back. And this was all because you wanted me to be with you. Because on my own, I could never have reached you. You are God, I am not. You see me in all perfection, beauty and glory because when you look at me, you see Your Son. His blood covers me in all my darkness&sin. How could I ever understand this sacrifice that you've made? When you look at me, you don't see all my darkness. I may be dark, but I am truly lovely to You. How could I ever thank you enough?! You are so good. Words can't describe the way you love me. And as far as the east is from the west, that's how far you've removed my transgressions from me. I stand forgiven, blameless before your eyes because the judgement and punishment that should have rightfully been mine, fell on You Jesus. You took it all upon Yourself.”
Today, I know that I've been set free. There are no more accusations in my mind against what I've done. The shame is gone- completely! What do I do now? I stand forgiven, washed clean by the blood of the lamb. I must stand and receive this love that is given so freely and allow it to overwhelm me. I see nothing of worth in my own heart but I will stand on the Word of God, knowing that He desires me and I will come before Him humbly knowing that all I have is a 'yes' in my heart to give to Him.
I choose not to remain laying down in my ashes because His love is greater! It's time to get up from the ashes and put on the garments of strength (Is.52:1-3).
